Jan 14 2009
Asexuality, still not accepted.
In my experience sex pundits are a fairly mixed lot, but you can normally depend on them being pretty progressive–except where it comes to asexuality. Take for exampe the “FOXSexpert” (pictured) in the article posted two days ago, ”Asexuality - Is It Even Real?” (I was feeling the support and acceptance for asexuals right from there).
Her points being, paragraph by paragraph:
“It’s a hard concept to fathom”
“it’s the exception to the rule”
“only 1 percent of adults have never felt sexual attraction”
“a person doesn’t decide to be asexual”
“these individuals claim to never experience sexual attraction “
“asexuals reported significantly lower sexual arousability than non-asexuals”
“some asexuals do want to be in a loving relationship”
“Asexuals date and have romantic relationships with people “
“There is debate within the scientific community as to if “asexuality” can be considered another type of sexual orientation”
“Some regard asexuality as more of a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder …
“these times are often temporary and due to a specific cause “
“So don’t be so quick to chalk yourself up as asexual”
“If your lack of interest in sex or (potential) partners is causing you distress or interpersonal difficulties, then you may want to seek out medical and/or psychological assistance.”
“If you’re perfectly fine with your condition, but feel like you need support in our sex-crazed society, you may want to turn to The Asexual Visibility and Education Network”
“Those involved with asexuals may want to explore support groups as well.”
As an expert opinion this strikes me as not radically off-base, but rather naive, unhelpful and very negatively slanted for an expert opinion with a wide audience. Try imagining the same being said of someone who is homosexual. It shouldn’t be hard because pretty much the same things were once acceptably said of homosexuality. Try it on for size:
Does Homosexuality Exist?
How could someone fancy their own sex, my mind boggles?
It’s not what most (normal) people want.
It is statistically rare.
–Okay, a positive point, the state is probably innate. Yay.
These people claim to only be attracted to their own sex
Gay people report they are more attracted to same sex partners (duh)
Gay people want to be in loving relationships
Gay people sometimes date and marry
There is debate in the scientific community about whether this is a legitimate orientation
Some consider homosexuality a disorder
It may just be a phase
So don’t be too quick to think you might be gay
If being gay upsets you, seek professional help
If it doesn’t, go and hang out with your own kind and get support there (not here)
Your loved ones may need professional help because you are homosexual
Cheerful and accepting isn’t it? I mean, come on. What is the real message of an article that opens with astonishment that a sexual demographic could possibly exist, and focuses most of its attention on it being rare, possibly non-existent, possibly a physical or mental disorder and source of misery for the afflicted and those around them. The final line, drawing a parallel between asexual and sexual relationships and suggesting they need basically the same things, rings rather false after an essay that reads like the veiled homophobia of twenty years ago.
It is a bit like making a documentary about sharks that is 90% screaming and blood in the water, and expecting the audience to take away the 10% that is blather about the rarity of shark attacks and the need for species conservation. (IMHO, naive at best and possibly disingenuous.) If the audience isn’t going to accept asexuality perhaps the pundit isn’t willing (so to speak) to rock the boat.
I enjoyed reading this sex is a complex subject, but I loved the way you approached this subject. I’m happily married thankfully I don’t need to worry about all that anymore. We both love each other for who we are.