cliterature

I guess I am getting older.  I am transitioning seamlessly from wanting to dye my hair any color other than the one it is, to wanting to dye it exactly the color it used to be before it started going gray (if only I could remember what that color actually was).  But it was surprisingly hard to find a product to meet my new specifications.

Why was it hard?  Well, stupid me was thinking that a coloring product intended just to blend in the gray hairs would have a model on the box who would plausibly be more worried about gray hairs than adolescent acne.  I know, what was I thinking.  I mean I had already discovered they hair color models often have more hair than one box would be able to color–(they say the model is there to display shade and not suggest the product could actual cope with that quantity of hair, but it still looks like false advertising to me).

My reason was this, if the product not only does not, but could not, significantly change the overall shade of your hair–what possible sense would it make to advertise how it works on someone whose hair is not in the process of gravitating away from said shade?

 Want to choose a Loreal shade with the help of a man with a french accent?  You can do it here.  The crucial question being whether you are ‘fashion forward’, ‘glamorous’, ‘classic’ or ‘natural’.  I feel these are code words that I do not really understand (as a female who got into the gray-haired years without ever mastering Nair.  Seriously, I can get i to remove skin, but not hair) but the middle two involve gray hair and so seem to be partially code for ‘old enough to drink smoke and bonk’.

 Apparently if I am ‘classic’ I should use Excellence Creme, and if I am glamorous I should use  Superior Preference (these are lines of color, the actual color is about the same).  Natural Match doesn’t come up despite this being the product I used and was very happy with.  So what is the actually difference between these three and Coleur Experte, Feria, Color Pulse or Color Spa, let alone the coloring products made by other companies?

 I don’t know!  I don’t even know how to find out! (/brand panic)

 So sue me if someone made a product with a older-young to younger middle-aged women on the box and the description “covers a scattering of gray hair and blends in with your natural color”, I would weep with relief and buy a crate load of medium cool brown.  Because whatever code it is these boxes are written in, it is not as much of a feminine lingua franca as they seem to think it is.  (But then as I read comment like the ones here, here and here, it seems I am not alone in my confusion).

Loreal, give us a break; less of the French accent and more plain English please?

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