cliterature

Realms of Fantasy is closing, John Updike has died of lung cancer, Diamond (the main distributor for indy comic books) is becoming less accessable, In a continuing trend Borders is choosing not to carry the latest book by highly popular author L Bujold. In the world of words (and making money there-from) things, frankly, could be better.  But what’s a grrl to do?  I like to read and I like to write, and the entertainment genres do tend to stay boutant even in a downturn.  But perhaps it is not surprise which picture of mine has made the most sales of late:

Hi all.  This blog will no longer be regularly updated.  Thank you all for reading.  :)

In my experience sex pundits are a fairly mixed lot, but you can normally depend on them being pretty progressive–except where it comes to asexuality.   Take for exampe the “FOXSexpert” (pictured) in the article posted two days ago, ”Asexuality - Is It Even Real?” (I was feeling the support and acceptance for asexuals right from there).

 Her points being, paragraph by paragraph:

“It’s a hard concept to fathom”
“it’s the exception to the rule”
“only 1 percent of adults have never felt sexual attraction”
“a person doesn’t decide to be asexual”
“these individuals claim to never experience sexual attraction “
“asexuals reported significantly lower sexual arousability than non-asexuals”
“some asexuals do want to be in a loving relationship”
“Asexuals date and have romantic relationships with people “
“There is debate within the scientific community as to if “asexuality” can be considered another type of sexual orientation”
“Some regard asexuality as more of a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder …
“these times are often temporary and due to a specific cause “
“So don’t be so quick to chalk yourself up as asexual”
“If your lack of interest in sex or (potential) partners is causing you distress or interpersonal difficulties, then you may want to seek out medical and/or psychological assistance.”
“If you’re perfectly fine with your condition, but feel like you need support in our sex-crazed society, you may want to turn to The Asexual Visibility and Education Network”
“Those involved with asexuals may want to explore support groups as well.”

As an expert opinion this strikes me as not radically off-base, but rather naive, unhelpful and very negatively slanted for an expert opinion with a wide audience. Try imagining the same being said of someone who is homosexual.  It shouldn’t be hard because pretty much the same things were once acceptably said of homosexuality. Try it on for size:

Does Homosexuality Exist? 
How could someone fancy their own sex, my mind boggles?
It’s not what most (normal) people want.
It is statistically rare.
–Okay, a positive point, the state is probably innate. Yay.
These people claim to only be attracted to their own sex
Gay people report they are more attracted to same sex partners (duh)
Gay people want to be in loving relationships
Gay people sometimes date and marry
There is debate in the scientific community about whether this is a legitimate orientation
Some consider homosexuality a disorder
It may just be a phase
So don’t be too quick to think you might be gay
If being gay upsets you, seek professional help
If it doesn’t, go and hang out with your own kind and get support there (not here)
Your loved ones may need professional help because you are homosexual

Cheerful and accepting isn’t it? I mean, come on. What is the real message of an article that opens with astonishment that a sexual demographic could possibly exist, and focuses most of its attention on it being rare, possibly non-existent, possibly a physical or mental disorder and source of misery for the afflicted and those around them.  The final line, drawing a parallel between asexual and sexual relationships and suggesting they need basically the same things, rings rather false after an essay that reads like the veiled homophobia of twenty years ago.

It is a bit like making a documentary about sharks that is 90% screaming and blood in the water, and expecting the audience to take away the 10% that is blather about the rarity of shark attacks and the need for species conservation.  (IMHO, naive at best and possibly disingenuous.)  If the audience isn’t going to accept asexuality perhaps the pundit isn’t willing (so to speak) to rock the boat.

In glib terms you could say there are two main types of fiction.  Literary stories explore the ambiguity of human experience–somehow having the goal of enlightening us and making us better people.  While genre fiction provides a more orderly picture where the good people are rewarded and bad people punished–with a goal of giving people leisure and respite through a satisfying story.

Life does not reliably reward only the good and humble hero.  Sometimes it might seem so when a poor native Alaskan man, orphaned as a child, wins the half a million dollars and pledges to use it to take care of his sisters and help people.  But then we discover he is a not-fully-repentant child molester.  When he needed help, friends took him in, and he abused two young girls who lived in the house.  When released he offended against another young girl.

For such a man to win a big raffle prize is perhaps just one of those things, but this raffle was held to benefit a group called ‘Standing Together Against Rape’ (STAR).  That irony seems almost deliberately cruel.  But the telling point is that this is not really as unlikely as might be thought.

As the spokesperson of STAR states, their group was formed because Alaska struggles with the highest rates of rape of any American state–there is no reason a victim or abuser would not win–and this man was both.  It is the inane TV frontperson who annoyed me most in saying the raffle was just ”bad PR”.  If the point is to raise the profile of the problem I would hope the irony is instructive not just some kind of meaningless blooper. 

This is one of those stories of ambiguity.  It spotlights a person orphaned, institutionalised, bounced around in care, abusing substances and then children, multiple times.  This is abuse, this is rape, this is the cycle of despair.  STAR expresses that tenuous hope that telling the stories of abuse can help the people that hear about  it somehow be better people, living in safer communities–somehow urge them to become in some small way a part of the solution.  And they also do the work on the ground to intervene, to help victims and to try to prevent sexual violence.

 I only hope the winner follows through with his promise to give 20% of the prize to STAR.  That might be one step in the right direction.  Then he could get some job training, drug counselling and psychiatric treatment and pay the remaining money to his victims.  In the real world happily-ever-afters cannot be relied upon; in the real world it is something we have to fight for.

STAR is fighting an uphill battle and if the winner doesn’t follow through in his donation they may struggle to make any profit of their most recent raffle.  But perhaps the twist in the the tale could be that the morbid media coverage might provoke a few more donations to help them keep doing their work for the victims of rape.  Their online donation system is not up and running yet but donations are welcomed at:
STAR (Make checks payable to STAR)
1057 W. Fireweed Lane, Suite 230,
Anchorage, Alaska 99503
USA

They suggest a donation starting at $25 (which I have written and stamped and will mail tomorrow) but I am sure they will be happy to accept whatever you can spare.

I guess I am getting older.  I am transitioning seamlessly from wanting to dye my hair any color other than the one it is, to wanting to dye it exactly the color it used to be before it started going gray (if only I could remember what that color actually was).  But it was surprisingly hard to find a product to meet my new specifications.

Why was it hard?  Well, stupid me was thinking that a coloring product intended just to blend in the gray hairs would have a model on the box who would plausibly be more worried about gray hairs than adolescent acne.  I know, what was I thinking.  I mean I had already discovered they hair color models often have more hair than one box would be able to color–(they say the model is there to display shade and not suggest the product could actual cope with that quantity of hair, but it still looks like false advertising to me).

My reason was this, if the product not only does not, but could not, significantly change the overall shade of your hair–what possible sense would it make to advertise how it works on someone whose hair is not in the process of gravitating away from said shade?

 Want to choose a Loreal shade with the help of a man with a french accent?  You can do it here.  The crucial question being whether you are ‘fashion forward’, ‘glamorous’, ‘classic’ or ‘natural’.  I feel these are code words that I do not really understand (as a female who got into the gray-haired years without ever mastering Nair.  Seriously, I can get i to remove skin, but not hair) but the middle two involve gray hair and so seem to be partially code for ‘old enough to drink smoke and bonk’.

 Apparently if I am ‘classic’ I should use Excellence Creme, and if I am glamorous I should use  Superior Preference (these are lines of color, the actual color is about the same).  Natural Match doesn’t come up despite this being the product I used and was very happy with.  So what is the actually difference between these three and Coleur Experte, Feria, Color Pulse or Color Spa, let alone the coloring products made by other companies?

 I don’t know!  I don’t even know how to find out! (/brand panic)

 So sue me if someone made a product with a older-young to younger middle-aged women on the box and the description “covers a scattering of gray hair and blends in with your natural color”, I would weep with relief and buy a crate load of medium cool brown.  Because whatever code it is these boxes are written in, it is not as much of a feminine lingua franca as they seem to think it is.  (But then as I read comment like the ones here, here and here, it seems I am not alone in my confusion).

Loreal, give us a break; less of the French accent and more plain English please?

In our current culture it often seems that you are meant to pick sides: be girly, or don’t. But I am a liberated woman who also likes a lot of feminine things, even those developed in an overtly sexist context. But I don’t see why not having to wear pastels means you can’t wear them–or why not having to play will dolls means you can’t like dolls. And I think the marketing boffins have found a way for us to break free from feminine assumptions, but have our girly stuff too.

Enter retro chic and ironic fashion. I can wear my pretty pink “Princess Sparkle” T-shirt with pride because the label tells me it is “retro”. I am not being juvenile and stereotypically girly, I am making a hip statement about classic toys and modern culture. Subtextually I am not saying “weee, i luv baby ponies”, but “Wow, Dude. How ironic is that rainbow motive. Princess Sparkle is totally a drag name.” All the while one thing is undeniable.

Princess Sparkle totally rocks.

I will warn you know that this post will not be anywhere near as titillating as you might hope, based on the title.  I have been at work for the last two days, overnight in a hotel (so no time for a research blog topic today, just some rambling from yours truly).  Today I was talking four and a half hours, to an audience of pretty highly qualified people.  There is a part of me that is always somewhat surprised that anyone listens to what I say, or that they buy my books, or read my blogs.  And as I was taking a break and looking at some Chicago snow I was thinking about two reasons for this.

These days pride is considered a good thing, and self-esteem.  But humility is too.  Historically both pride and vainglory were considered deadly sins, but when the final seven were chose vainglory was out.  (On a side note I have always thought that vainglory is the kind of sin that would have really resented this and spent the subsequent fourteen centuries grumble about how much better he is than pride).  When I chose my pen name of Veinglory I really did not put a lot of deliberate thought into it.  I used the name initially as an information online name–something to separate my work activities from more informal online chat.  I have always liked the word vainglory, to the modern ear there is a natural tension that has ground between vain and glorious and the whole thing rolls sinfully of the tongue.  The alternative spelling is due to little more that the fact vainglorywas taken as a hotmail account name, and I was writing a vampire novel at the time.

And coming from New Zealand I had extra training in humility, as the culture is focused on leveling people out and making sure everyone gets a far go–even if that means holding back some of the front runners.  This is sometimes called the “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.   The saying (with an interesting classical origin) is that the poppy that grows tallest is most likely to have its head knocked off.  This is often spoken off as a cultural failing, stopping people from taking credit that is due and crippling their motivation to excel.  And such cultural humility tend to fall in double doses on women who are already encouraged to be sweet and nurturing rather than bold and entrepreneurial.

That said, I don’t actually see a cultural emphasis in humility as a problem.  Because although I am somewhat surprised and grateful to be heeded, I do not undervalue myself or my achievements.  I am highly qualified, when I open my mouth I have something to say that is novel, substantive and that I sincerely believe.  I write well.  I almost said “quite well”, but in my own private opinion the qualifier is not needed.  I have never felt held back in what I achieve, or devalued in my worth, just because I hesitate to sing my own praises and am acutely grateful for recognition I received from others.

And to the extent this is also a traditional feminine trait, that does not necessarily make it inferior to more assertive ways (in men or in women).  When there are both men and women with a range of personality types in power, humility will not be an obstacle to success any more than it is to achievement. (Indeed, one could argue that it is more crippling to raised children with the idea that is bragging is not allowed, and andevor is not worth doing–that it, confusing self-praise with self-worth.  Ultimately shouldn’t we be doing a thing because it is a thing worth doing for its own sake and taking most of our pleasure from that).

My audience appreciated what I did, my colleagues and my (female) boss noted and commented favorably.  I didn’t need to strain my neck upwards when those I work with are happy to give me a boost–as I am more than happy to recognise their skills, hard work and achievements.  I am not a poppy knocker, but I also feel no desire to be the tallest poppy in he field if that means blocking anyone else’s access to the sun.

This is the early stage of my work in progress, Femme. The basic idea is that the immature girl figure is the female ego. The right shoulder will be Lilith, the left Eve. It is about the old angel/harlot dichotomy. When the main options are the ends of a false dichotomy it becomes hard to…. become.

Which is all too deep for me. But once I ad some folliage and a snake I hope it will pass for far more meaningful than it is.  If I was a better write I would throw together some lines like Byron’s “She walks in beauty like the night.”  he was writing about how dark and light can, with innocent and true inner beauty, be effortlessly combined.

He was writing about a beauty seen when he was in mourning, an attraction to a woman who was his cousin, and a love of one woman shortly before he married another.  So maybe it was an ease he yearned for an imagined more than one any person obtains.  Or maybe it was simply that he to had long lost the innocence that allows it.

But we can still appreciate that quality if serenity when seen in others–or imagine it there:

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow’d to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair’d the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o’er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek and o’er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,—
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

I, on the other hand walk headless, with an imaginary Judeo-Christian ancestor in each shoulder. But what’s a girl to do :)

I have previously blogged about how cleaning products are now being presented in advertising like gigolos, luring us away from our boring husband (or old boyfriend?) products (mops, none-skin-softening dish soap etc). Apparently adultery metaphors are hot in the advertising world.  Now the Health Discovery channel is in on the act. Trying to lure us away from bad foots and seduce us with nutrition. But, um…

Seduced by a carrot, really? Is this co-sponsored by the American Carrot Council trying to subliminally push the appeal of the dual purpose vegetable? Also, isn’t the whole problem with junk food the short-term thrill of “attractive” tastes and, um, “mouth feel” leading to unbalanced and/or excessive food intake? That is, we need to stay with reliable, good-for-us carrot rather than jump out the window into the fluffy white-bread arms of Mr. Sexyburger? (Not the other way around).

The site has a photo feature titled, disparagingly, “weight Loss Fads”. This apparently includes the title thumbnail, a women boxing (obviously for weight loss? Obviously a hilarious fad?) and Gloria Swanson* (excerpted here)using hand-weights (ditto?).  If women exercising is innately hilarious I do wonder about the overall goal of the program and why Bally fitness are apparently so deeply involved in it (as advertisers).

I also find the absence of any real science rather patronising.  Informational articles like this piece about soda never do more than non-specific hand-wave at ”stacks of research”, “new research” and “a study, out of the University of Texas”.  The reader is assumed to not want to, or be able to, understand the source material? Would a citation in a foot note be that bad, if only because the people who did the research probably deserve some credit? (Let alone because I might not trust the copy-writer’s interpretation of their data).

 * Gloria Swanson was a dedicated and influential proponent of healthy nutrition, including rather progressive attitudes about natural foods, vegetarianism and yoga–she lobbied for the first American law limited pesticide levels in foods.  She was also an astounding actress and founded successful companies producing make-up and clothing.  Frankly, she deserves more respect than this.

#1: The ladies are so dedicated to stilettos they even wear them into combat.

#2: When a scantily clad lady in red boots ties you up with a lasso that ain’t exactly subtext.

#3: How many time does the villain have to capture, bind, and “torture” the hero and then accidentally let him escape– before you realize they totally have a safe word.

#4: The Black Canary Barbie doll is deemed S&M “filth”–albeit by Christian Voice.

#5: Spiderman wears a zentai, and you can too.  (And the ones that don’t go for full encasement wear scanty bikinis in all weather).  (Oh, and capes.  Dude).

 …and I am sure there must be more.