Dec 28 2008
The Meaning of No
Pat Boone wrote a book for teenagers in 1958 called (with an excess of ‘Aw, Shucks’ styling) ‘Twixt Twelve and Twenty. It is predictable that I would have quite a lot to say about such a book, not least the idea that a man who eloped and married at 19 might be the best choice for advice. Nevertheless the idea of making a more general statement was eclipsed by my reaction to one small section. Beneath the title “Sweet Sixteen” the following is said of (and to) girls of the ages 15 and 16:
“…there are even more rules of conduct for girls at this stage. One of them is that, even if a fellow runs like a three-legged hippopotamus, he must be the pursuer. In this game of hide-and-seek the male is always’”it.” The girl who makes the advance tips her hand immediately. That throws the game, for if she’s “it” then the fellow has to run hide, and usually does. This I know, from experience. Of course girls do have subtle ways of reversing the game. For example:
There once was a maiden of Siam
Who said to her lover, young Kiam,
“If you kiss me, of course
You will have to use force–
But you’re certainly stronger than I am.”
Undoubtedly, she got kissed. But down Nashville way, we would have seen right through her. We didn’t cotton to “bold” girls in Tennesse. The fact is that one of the best ways for a galt o catch a guy is to let him chase her!”
It is hard to even remember a time when it was respectable to believe, and to advise children, that no means yes. And this without even considering for a second that this might lead to a situation where a boy, or indeed a man, fails to accurately distinguish between a no that means yes and a no that actually means no–let alone how to deal with the consequences of the error.
